The Guinness World Records organization was founded in 1955 to settle pub arguments. More than 70 years later, it has evolved into humanity's official catalog of doing things no one asked for at an unprecedented level. Here are 30 records that confirm humans will do literally anything to be the best at something.
Sanath Bandara of Sri Lanka wore 260 T-shirts at once in 2016. They had to be fully worn — no partial buttoning or pulling. This took over 2 hours to put on and presumably approximately forever to take off.
Pavol Durdik of Slovakia put 28 socks on one foot in 30 seconds. Each sock must go over the ankle. This is a skill with absolutely no other applications, and someone is the world's best at it.
Markus Guenther of Germany achieved this record. The rules specify: must go over hips, each pair pulled up. The logistics of this are left as an exercise for the imagination.
Suresh Joachim of Canada/Australia stood completely motionless for over 24 hours. He was allowed to blink. He was not allowed to move in any other way. This is the most exhausting way to do nothing.
Kevin Shelley of the USA broke 46 wooden toilet seats with his head in 60 seconds in 2007. Each must shatter completely. This is somehow a record category that exists.
Etibar Elchiyev of Georgia balanced 16 metal spoons on his face simultaneously using only surface tension and magnetism (he was described as having magnetic skin). They must remain balanced for at least 5 seconds.
The record (for a full 340g jar) is a testament to both human determination and the willingness to experience mild to moderate suffering for the sake of achievement.
Lee Redmond of the USA grew her nails from 1979 to 2008. Her longest single nail was 86.6 cm (2 ft 11 in). They were destroyed in a car accident in 2009. She has been growing them back since.
Garry Turner of the UK could stretch the skin of his stomach to 15.8 cm (6.2 inches) due to Ehlers-Danlos syndrome, which affects connective tissue. He held the record while also hosting game shows in the UK.
Rolf Buchholz of Germany had more than 516 body modifications by 2012, including 453 piercings, 2 subdermal horns in his forehead, a split tongue, and magnetic fingertips. He was denied entry to Dubai in 2014 because they thought he was practicing black magic.
Brian Thompson of the USA has the world's widest tongue. He became aware of this at a party when someone bet he couldn't lick his elbow. He couldn't, but he did discover his unusual talent.
A woman in New Zealand had 82 tattoos of the same person (her favorite celebrity). The record category was created specifically for this situation. The Guinness people had to improvise.
This is a real category. There are also records for marathons in Disney character costumes, as fruit, as kitchen appliances, and as specific food items. The London Marathon encourages this. A full chapter of human athletics is just people running 26 miles in costumes.
Huy Giang of Germany spun 148 times in one minute while holding a power drill. The drill was pointing up, and he rotated around it. This category exists because someone did it once and people said "let's see who can do more."
The rules: brick must remain on head without hands, stairs must be climbed backwards, the climb must be witnessed. Someone, somewhere, decided this was a thing worth being the best at.
Joel Strasser juggled three chainsaws while bouncing on a pogo stick and achieved 88 catches. This record exists at the intersection of circus performance, mild insanity, and extreme precision. Please do not attempt this at home.
Kenichi Ito of Japan has held this record multiple times. He studied monkey locomotion to optimize his four-limbed running technique. He can run 100 meters on hands and feet in under 16 seconds — faster than most humans walk the same distance.
Wim Hof ("The Iceman") holds multiple cold endurance records. His ability to withstand extreme cold has been studied scientifically — he genuinely appears to control his autonomic nervous system through breathing techniques.
Walker Hays of the USA balanced 548 drinks on his head (all full) while walking 100 meters without spilling. The drinks were stacked and the walk required extraordinary stillness in the neck at all times.
Joey "Jaws" Chestnut achieved this at Nathan's Famous International Hot Dog Eating Contest. He holds dozens of competitive eating records. Scientists have studied him; his stomach expands unusually. He is a professional athlete in a field that requires no running.
Charlotte Lee of the USA has collected over 9,000 rubber ducks since 1996. They fill multiple rooms of her house. This is a legitimate Guinness record. Charlotte is the world's foremost rubber duck collector, a title that is genuinely hers.
Ilker Yilmaz of Turkey squirted milk 10 feet from his eye in 2004. The milk was snorted up the nose and forced out through the tear duct. Guinness measured it officially. This is the most specific skill possible.
Guinness has specific records by age group for fingernails. There is a category for teen fingernail length. Teenagers have entered this category by choice. Parents presumably had feelings about this.
Multiple people have held and competed for this record. Judges verify each catch. Someone thought to time grape-catching, and now there is an official world champion for it. We love this planet.
You Jianxia of China has eyelashes that have naturally grown to over 17 cm. She first noticed the growth in 2013 after spending time in the mountains. This is a naturally occurring biological phenomenon that is also an official world record.
In 2012, 1,571 people put underpants on their heads simultaneously in Edinburgh, Scotland. This was a promotional event. It holds a valid Guinness World Record. The underpants had to be clean. That rule existed for a reason.
Stephen Clarke of the USA carved 109 pumpkins in one hour. Each must have a recognizable face. That's about one every 33 seconds. He is both the world record holder and presumably very fast at Halloween decorating.